We got the news we’ve been expecting.  It isn’t any easier to make these decisions than when we first got the news that he had lymphoma other than there is no shock.  It’s just as painfully difficult to think about today.

So he’s been on the Wisconsin Protocol (WP) since February, when we initially found out he has lymphoma.  It was going extremely well all this time- his lymph nodes shrunk to normal, no tumors detected inside his little body. He had normal appetite and energy, was his usual pre-cancerous, loving, sweet little boy-self.

A few weeks ago, suddenly, the vet detected his lymph nodes were growing and semi hard.  After an ultra sound and a follow up, they gave him Vincristine.  No progress.  They gave him Doxorubicin, which is the strongest drug on the WP.  Today was his follow up to that and no difference.  Apparently, he has stopped responding to any of the drugs on the WP.   They have decided to give him Elspar, in hopes that this drug will help bring his lymph nodes back to where they were a month ago- normal.  This was not the scheduled drug this week, though it is still a part of the WP.  I understand that Elspar isn’t a strong drug, but it targets the lymph nodes, so we’re hoping that it does the job.

Krisann will pick him back up in a few minutes along with a lot of literature on three Rescue Treatments we will decide between.  One of them is Mustard Gas, it is given every other week and costs $700-$800 per treatment.  Now, this is financially out of the question for us.  Even if we could afford it, it sounds terrifying and we wouldn’t be likely to choose it.  Whatever we decide, it will begin on Friday.  The other two options for Rescue that we have are administered every 3 weeks.  The drugs are very strong, and have side effects to the liver that prevent them from applying large doses, or more often than at three week intervals.  I am a little concerned because Atticus has had liver troubles in the past.

What sucks is that the cancer got used to the drugs we used so quickly.  It’s scary how cancer functions and ravages a tiny little dog like him.  Cancer is a scary word in this culture.  But  understanding how it works and what drugs do to it, how it works in the body- at least the very little understanding I have picked up from this experience- it is so heartbreaking, absolutely terrifying, I just HATE it.   It has brought me to the conclusion that every other time in my life that I used the word HATE, I was mistaken.  I have never HATED anything before, but I HATE those cancer cells.  I hate the way they grow so quickly, and how they spread to his organs…

I put my palms on him and quietly think positive thoughts and send him my immunity to help his immune system fight harder.  I think he just enjoys the attention- his tail is always wagging.

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