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I sit here at the computer in the office away from the rest of the house. Separated. Krisann is out tonight hula hooping. Peter was running on the treadmill but I’m pretty sure he went to crash in bed or on the couch and watch tv. I am working on homework, way too much homework to finish tonight (especially considering that I took this detour.) Listening to my favorite songs on Grooveshark, I unexpectedly hear S’Wonderful (version by Joao Gilberto) and I can’t stop myself from crying. It takes me right back to St. John, such a lazy song, makes me want to leave everything behind and go somewhere and do nothing in particular. Forget the headache of working in an office brimming with idiots, screw money! I would be happier without a house-load of shit I am now aware I only think I need.
The only purpose most of it serves is to remind me of things I don’t have, or loved ones no longer here, like Grampa or Atticus or Nico.
A few weeks ago I couldn’t take it anymore and finally convinced Peter to join me in purging what turned out to be an entire jeep-load of crap. Clothes, wine glasses, old furniture, mops, blankets, chatchkis. It made me high to drop it off at Goodwill. What triggered it was looking at the baker’s rack outside the kitchen. It is stacked with cookbooks, old mail, liquor, the bottle of Dom Perignon from our honeymoon (cost several hundred dollars and wasn’t even that great.) Looking at it I thought about if I had to leave right that second, I would only take the inexpensive doll I bought in St. John, made by church ladies because I love handmade things and it reminds me of a really happy time. Then I turned and looked into the kitchen. We had cabinets full of dishes and glasses and pots and pans that we didn’t even use! Dangerous pans with scratched up teflon we had been cooking in and eating from for years. I thought about every room and how nice it would be to get rid of all the clutter in my life. That day was a start.
Of course, there is a lot I just can’t get rid of, things I feel like I absolutely need now. Items that maybe serve a timely purpose or help to get me through this period of my life. Maybe someday I will have the courage to ditch these things too but for now I’m too afraid to go without the crutch.
I feel like I want to put all the money we make away and save it for traveling or serious things like medical or other sorts of emergencies. When I buy new clothes now I buy them out of necessity and spend a little on them so they last instead of buying cheap trendy stuff I used to enjoy replacing every couple months. I was wearing partially puppy-shredded shoes (my pants mostly covered it up) for a couple months but when she ate my brown flats I knew I had to get a replacement. The chinos I was wearing had to be replaced because they were about 10 years old. I confess there are still some things I buy but the desire has been cut back a lot. I am trying to be less of a consumer.
Maybe shedding all of this is my way to lighten my load so I can move on more easily, even though I am fully aware that we aren’t going anywhere for another year and a half. I am so desperate to get out of SC that I told Peter I will go anywhere…anywhere at all that they will station him outside of this place. Being home in PA last week felt great until Friday night. I knew I had to leave Saturday morning and as people started to leave after dinner I could feel myself growing upset. The last two, Maria then Debbie left I couldn’t even bring myself to say a word, my mouth was shut tight to keep from losing it. Then I said goodbye to Gram and I could not hold it back. The next morning when I left Dad, same thing and I couldn’t stop in the car. I finally put a book on and tried to absorb into the story.
I LOVE being near Mom but this time we have spent here is spent as if we are in limbo, waiting for something better. I acknowledge that its all in my head and there is no actual reason to hate this state so much, but considering all the steps I have taken to better my life since moving here (quit smoking, rarely drink, running, going back to school, eating healthier) I should like it more. I just don’t.
Despite being on an antidepressant and all the positive changes I continue to be unhappy. So what the hell? Life certainly isn’t going to be like this forever but jesus, how long do I have to wait for something to change? I have been trying to change my thinking including attending buddhist meetings and still nothing. But, maybe that’s the point: keep trying. There isn’t one fix that works for all people so why do I think one change will fix all my problems?
Now I feel a little better and I shall return to my chem homework.
Picture update at 1030pm: Pablo wants me to go to bed.
and goes on and on and on and on…
I am not having any luck with finding a job. I applied for my dream job at a local, fun women’s magazine just a few short weeks after we moved down here. I thought that it was going to be easy…me finding the want ad in their mag, writing a witty cover letter (which I will sample below for your enjoyment)
As I am reading the June issue of *bleep*I pause at “Overheard” to check the website shitmykidsruined.com and get distracted by my latest email edition of The Writer’s Almanac where I read that today is the birthday of “Dr. Ruth” Westheimer, as well as the anniversary of the day Congress passed the 19th amendment giving women the right to vote. I forget about the website I had intended to check and return to skirt! where a couple pages later I read that you’re looking for a part-time, permanent Office Assistant. Seems it’s a meaningful day for women. Specifically, this woman.
Coincidence? no. Kismet…! … This opportunity is a dream for me, and I am certain you would feel the same if you hire me as your office assistant.
Of course, they want an interview. I felt it went well, but they ended up hiring someone with Accounts Payable & Receivable experience. Fine. I was temporarily crushed but appreciated that they at least explained why I wasn’t hired and it’s legitimate. I have since registered with a couple temp agencies. I have been on four interviews and temped at a local car dealership and at a Teen Miss pageant. (I don’t want to even mention the online job applications or resume submissions I have done- So many I can’t count that high. Nobody responds online though, unless you know someone there or have some sort of connection they don’t even respond. Actually, about 25% will send a form letter back that says somehting like, ”we’ll review your submission and get back to you”) The dealership was supposed to be a temp to hire position but the first day I was there, temping, I collected 15 resumes from women coming in off the street for my position.
Sidetrack…I dress very professionally and excluding the unusually silly cover letter above, I am the picture of professionalism in my cover letters, resume and presentation. The women who came by to fill out an application at that dealership were dressed in the crappiest clothing I have ever seen in that situation. I wouldn’t even wear some of their outfits to work in the yard. Others had managed to dress semi-appropriately but failed in the makeup or hair department. There was one who I imagined wuld fit right in at the beach with her sundress and swimsuit strings hanging out. Most of them wore clothing so tight, if I had to wear it I would not have left the house.
So I figure, but the end of my first half day, after collecting a pile of resumes and applications, they were never planning on making this a temp to permenant position. The second morning I’m there, some girl in a sundress shows up and asks for the general manager. He meets with her for 20 minutes and I can hear them chatting about nothing in particular. About 30 minutes after she leaves, he comes down to inform me not to accept any other applications. The position has been filled. No big surprise there to me. The temp agency contact calls me to inform me it was filled (I already knew) and she assures me she will find something else.
In the meantime, I register with another temp agency so I can stay as busy as possible. They send me on an interview at an attorney’s office and I am their first pick for the position but they still ahven’t offered the job yet. Then I get a call last week about temping for one night at a pageant! I couldn’t have been more excited. Turns out it was just an introduction to the pageant but I still got to meet a lot of the pageant girls who ranged in age from 7 to 19. They were such nice little girls. That assignment only lasted four hours that night, but I figured it was worth it.
I’m tired of not having any money and being bored all day. I feel like I could get a retail job pretty easily but I feel like that is taking a step backwards and won’t look good on my resume.
1. Our new place. It’s a single story but only 500 sf less than our townhouse. It’s got a big fenced-in backyard and a detached garage for both our cars. With Krisann here, we’ve got 4 cats and Atticus. It’s like a zoo!
2. Dining Room. The owners have great taste and the room already had paneling and red walls plus that adorable chandelier. It’s beautiful.
3. Living room is comfortable, with a wood burning fireplace. The flat screen was the very first thing to go up on our walls when we moved in.
4. Peter and Pablo. I am Pablo’s favorite but he seemed awfully comfortable on Peter that night. He is the silliest little cat- we call him ‘Bigfoot’ for obvious reasons.
5. He follows me wherever I go. When I wake up in the mornings, he is in one sink bowl while I brush my teeth in the other.
6. Krisann is turning into the crazy cat lady. That’s Emerson wrapped up like a baby. Nice.
7. We went out to eat at Shem Creek and afterwards got drinks a couple weeks back. There were dolphins and pelicans everywhere!
8. There are so many frogs here, you wouldn’t believe it. They are everywhere.
9. The cats enjoy the frogs too.
I’ll start out by apologizing about the unintentional hiatus. Sorry about that, it’s been a little busy occasionally or I just wasn’t feeling creative enough to write. But the feeling’s returned.
Peter and I are now settled in to our new place in Charleston, SC. Krisann lives here with us (for now) along with the doggy, her two cats and our TWO cats. Unfortunately Nico hasn’t returned but we found a new kitty whom we adopted and call Pablo so we’re back to two cats. Surprisingly, he looks similar to Nico with a gray and black tabby coat. He is tiny for now with two large white-socked back feet. I think he is under a year old and when we found him he wasn’t neutered, had worms and fleas but he was so lovable we just couldn’t leave him at a shelter. We packed him up and made Krisann drive him down with the other cats. He’s since been neutered, dewormed and deflea’d. Now he is a typical kitten, going everywhere he shouldn’t (his favorite sleeping place is in the middle of my favorite tropical plant, causing all the leaves to droop and branches to crack), eating or drinking anything he comes into contact with and demanding attention whenever he pleases (he never leaves me alone in the bathroom, it’s like a guaranteed lap for him). Plus, I’m his favorite! He looks for me, steps over Peter, Krisann, whoever is in the way so he can get to me. He’s my little baby!
Peter is qualifying, doing tests and going to classes in preparation for his teaching job in September. He isn’t crazy about what he is stuck doing now but he’s coping. He cooked a nice Father’s Day dinner for Frank last Thursday (I thought Father’s Day was this past Sunday, turns out I was a week early). He misses being able to work on the house but now we have a yard and he is trying really hard to keep it green.
I interviewed today for a job I really really really really really want. They said they’d get back to me Friday with news-good bad or second interview. Will update when I can! Tomorrow, Krisann & I are thinking of going to the beach or doing something since she has off. Museum, library, biking, who knows?
Peter has received official orders for a change of duty station. We’re heading to Charleston, SC no later than May 15th. His last day on Ike is April 10th, so I get to see him in about a month!!!!!!!!
We were hoping to stay stationed here in VA Beach because we love it here and I enjoy volunteering at the Refuge. But, you can’t control where you get orders to and Charleston is a great location for us. Besides Mom being down there, Peter’s job will have a regular schedule, it’s like a 9-to-5er kinda job. He’ll be teaching at the Nuclear power school down in Goose Creek. Regular hours, no deployments, plenty of spare time…Perfect to plan a reception around!!!!!
Waiting for these orders has been a three month process. Initially he requested orders in January but they kept losing his paperwork or they needed additional info from him. We thought we had a great chance at getting stationed at one of two locations in Norfolk which would have allowed us to stay put. Now we have to decide whether to sell this place or rent it out. I don’t know what we’ll do but we’ll be losing money regardless.
So…anyone interested in visiting the Beach can forget it. Of course, we’ll accept any help with packing we can get. Also, if you are interested in buying or renting a HUGE VIRGINIA BEACH 4 BED/3.5BATH TOWNHOUSE WITH AWESOME KITCHEN, FIREPLACE AND BALCONY let me know!!!
Krisann will be moving with us, all animals are GO!, I don’t know what Shawn will be doing but he is taking this all under consideration and will inform us of his decision when he is ready. I don’t yet know where we’ll be living, or whether we will be buying or renting down there. We can stay with Mom but 5 people plus 3 cats and 3 dogs is not a good combination.
TTFN…Lots of Love to you all, I’m going to go and flip out with excitement about Peter’s return!
Note: I wrote this up on my phone before Christmas then forgot to post it…thats why the delay
We’re all decked out for christmas with my usual charlie brown christmas tree amd decorations. Peter harasses me endlessly about that tree, he doesn’t love it like I do. But that’s okay. I love it enough for the both of us.
I showed him the box of ornaments and let him hang what ornaments he wanted. He noted the large amount of teddy bear ornaments which made me recall the christmas we had a teddy bear christmas tree at Mom’s house. Krisann and I and Mom had picked out a bunch of teddy bears at Ligonier Days, small ones that were tree sized. Then when christmas came around we decorated the tree with all the bears we had bought along with bunches we already had. We loved it!
Peter’s favorite ornaments (from my collection) were snowmen and santa clauses. He also got a kick out of my first ornament, a stocking full of toys. We put our first ornament on it- a wreath mom got us for our wedding.
It’s finally worked- the laser-exact aim of mmy personal gravitational pull which I have been focusinng on a very specific person for all of the 8 years I have lived in this state has finally succeeded in getting results. Krisann is moving down here!!!!!
In preparation for this momentous occasion, Peter has fled the house, vowing never to return (for at least 6 months) Nico has taken off in fear, (if you’re religious, you better be praying for her safe return.) I have been filling the dresser in the guest room with cllothing I think she will enjoy. She requested that I place a stocking on the fireplace for her, which I am more than happy to do. Except I packed up all the christmas stuff and Peter put it away in the attic before he left so I don’t have any stockings left. So I offered to hang an old sock up there and she had the balls to sneer in my face (over the google chat.)
She is mostly packed up and Should be moving down at the end of the month.
I have many. I am going to discuss this one because some jerk just did it AGAIN…
Let me give you some background. I sit at the front desk with a view of the front parking lot of this building. I park exactly where I can see my jeep in the middle of the parking lot. That way I watch my vehicle all day and will know if anything happens to it. My office is pretty empty and not a whole lot of other people park here. In fact, I am usually one of two vehicles parked in the twelve spot section. The building houses several offices but the parking lot is rarely full. It is rarely 70% full. In other words, there is no reason you should park right next to my vehicle when there are 10 other spots, not directly adjacent to my jeep.
Well, I hate those huge, jacked up trucks country boys drive- the 350 series with its bumper 3.5 feet of fthe ground and giant monster truck wheels supporting this mammoth piece of shit. It’s just not my taste. Last week, some smurflike dufus pulled up in one and parked RIGHT NEXT TO MY VEHICLE.
Listen up Dufus Smurf, there are ten other spots around just in that section, not to mention the dozens of other spots in the lot that are currently available. What the hell were you thinking parking right next to my vehicle?
So while I sit here, fuming at this jerk a couple coworkers approach me. I explain the situation and they’re surprised that I even care since the jerk was ‘kind enough’ to park far away from my jeep. Obviously they don’t get it. Then…the jerk gets out of his car. AND WALKS TO THE NEIGHBORING BUILDING. Where, I might add, there happen to be plenty of open spots a helluva lot closer than parking in the middle of my lot next to my car!!!!! He is there for a quick 3-4 minute visit then leaves.
What the hell is your problem buddy??? Needed a little bit of exercise but not too much to tire yourself? Wanted to surprise someone by hiding your car out of their view then you ruin the surprise when they see you walking up anyway? I know, it’s difficult tho think that far ahead. Maybe you thought you had run out of gas and needed to pull over quickly? Or were the space cadets monitoring your movements and that was the only spot protected by magnetic gravitism??
Today, some new jerk in a big red pickup parked and pulled the same shenanigans. What is with you people??? If there are multiple empty spots, DONT PARK NEXT TO ME WITH YOUR GIANT UGLY BEAST OF AN AUTOMOBILE!!
Another jerk in a vehicle that pissed me off: I am heading home from work and get behind this asshole who feels so strongly about his negative opinion he puts it on a bumper sticker…I am so tempted to un-crop his license plate for all to seee because its an abbreviated large, clumsy ocean bird that anyone would recognize!!
I know its difficult to read so I’ll spell it out for you: YES! I WANT OBAMA TO FAIL
What kind of total racist asshole wishes the President Of The United States Of America to FAIL? It was so difficult to not ram him from behind with my lovely jeep.
Two days til my love returns!! He is in a not so far off port and called me to chat for a bit this afternoon. His belly is upset and his requested foods for arrival night are:
- white wine
- heineken beer (a six-pack for the 20 minute ride home from the base when I pick him up)
- mussels
- pasta
- petit diced pre-seasoned tomatoes
- onion
- cilantro
I don’t know whose belly that would settle but what Baby wants, Baby gets.
I am eagerly awaiting Peter’s return. I don’t know what time I get to pick him up on Thursday but I know it will be a hectic, traffic-filled, crowded, confusing day.
Our new roommate, Clarke should get in sometime tomorrow. I need to make him a key to use and he’ll be staying in the guest room until the repairs are completed on the first floor bedroom. I can’t imagine it taking too long but we’ll see.
The animals know something is up- Atticus is at the groomer this morning. The cats are searching for their furballs (I vaccumed them up!) which had been lingering for too long. I am hoping they are all on their best behaviour when the new roommate gets here & when Peter gets back Thursday.
I took off Thursday and Friday to spend with Peter. I would have taken more time except I don’t have ‘vacation’ time to take these days. Since I’m just temping I forgo the pay when I want to take time off. That sucks. It will be a crappy pay week this week since I had to take time off to meet the HVAC company this morning as well as missing Thurs & Friday. I will likely have to take more time once the repairs begin as well.
The house looks great, I have been straightening it up in preparation for his return. I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet though. That will have to happen in the next day or two. There is so much to do before he gets back.
The neighbor wants to help me make a sign to put in the front yard which I think will be really cute…She is a really nice girl. I met her a few weeks ago and mistakenly told her I was only 28…Well as it turns out, I’m 29 and will be turning 30 this September (I honestly thought I was 28…how time flies!) She isn’t even old enough to drink yet, LOL.
Peter’s little brother Bruce will be going to college this fall, he graduated high school a few months ago. His other little brother, Mike, will be visiting in a few weeks hopefully. It’s always fun to have family around.
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