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I like to have the Martha Stewart Show on in the background in the mornings. I don’t know why, I’m too lazy to go plant swiss chard in the backyard or make a chocolate ganache, but I like to think maybe some of what she says will stick in my head and I can use those stored skills later.
As you may know, I live in Charleston now and they have their own show lineup, as do other affiliates across the country. Locally, the Martha Stewart show, for who knows what reason, is followed by Jerry Springer.
Do viewers who watch Martha stay tuned in for Jerry? Or do all the trailer trash wake up at 11am and look for their daily dose of Jerry? Maybe it’s a way to improve the lives of the Jerry viewers- they might tune in a bit early and catch the tail end of Martha? What the hell? I just can’t wrap my head around it. I feel like I should call Martha and tattle on this local station, so she knows she is opening for Jerry!
In other news, Krisann headed off to the beach this morning. Bitch. I have an interview at 2pm so I have to stay behind. I bought the cutest bathing suit ever sewn last night at Belk’s! It’s Juicy Couture, bright red one-piece ruffled swimdress.
It certainly isn’t my traditional bikini but when I tried it on I just couldn’t pass it up! Plus it was like 70% off! They had so many suits there that I would have loved to buy but this one definately stood out.
We were shopping to find a dress for me to wear to the Khaki Ball, I found several nice ones at White House Black Market but I haven’t decided yet. I want Peter to have some input as well.
So we caught them at the Charleston Pourhouse last night, it was a great show! We danced the night away, right up front. The brass section had choreographed every song and they swayed and dipped to the beat, it was hilarious to watch. The drummer’s glasses kept falling off his nose and after a few minutes of headbanging, they’d fly off his face. He’d magically be wearing them by the next song. Joe Lewis was amazing- great voice. They played continuously and all the songs were so upbeat and wild, I don’t know how you couldn’t dance while listening to it.
Krisann and I were initially stuck behind a group of girls, one of which was really large but she had no concept of her size and kept backing into our faces or into other people. Then that group got shoved out of the way by a bunch of very young, demonstrative lesbians who insisted on dancing all over top of everyone around like they were trying to start something. Finally we were surprised to find an odd couple move right in front of us. The couple consisted of a tall, hot, young blonde foreign-exchange student-looking girl (complete with braids around the front of her lovely crown of hair) and a tall, lumpy, very unattractive dude with mossy looking facial hair. They danced all the others out of the way and kept showing up everywhere, even when we went outside to smoke. Also, we saw Tobias (from Arrested Development) there!
Actually, it was just a really dorky guy who looked sadly out of place but got the front and center-most spot to ‘stand’ in the whole place. While the young girls and the odd couple danced all over he just stood there and took pictures of the band, and, weirdly, the crowd.
When the show was over two guys approached us while we finished our beers. One ended up getting Joe Lewis’ autograph on the towel he had used on stage all night then gave it right up to Krisann and I. Then Krisann talked to Joe Lewis!! She also talked to the saxophonist and I congratulated another member of the brass section. We also ripped of f a poster from the bar and Krisann got a rooster sticker from someone she doesn’t remember. Overall, we had a blast.
The only thing that sucked was that it was a 40 minute drive to that bar from our house. We had to take a huge detour also because the bridge that goes to Folly Beach was completely closed so we had to go to Charleston then back to James Island.
Happy belated Fourth of July! Krisann and Peter and I attended a party at a neighbor of mom’s. The food was amazing- everyone brought food then the host made something called Lowcountry Boil. This included shrimp, crawfish, corn, sausage, and I forget the rest, which was all boiled together and seasoned. Mmmm! Mom made her famous potato salad and orange cookies while Krisann made three bean & avocado dip. Everything was delicious. After the food, everyone broke out fireworks, which to a Pennsylvanian, doesn’t mean certain death. No certain death, only a small percentage of death.
Here in South Carolina, any person can buy any kind of firework, including the big professional ones. Here is a table of legal and permit-only fireworks; I found the info from various websites
| Type of Firework | South Carolina | Pennsylvania |
| Bottle Rockets: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Sky Rockets: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Roman Candles: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Firecrackers: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Sparklers: | Legally Allowed | Legally Allowed |
| Smoke and Punk: | Legally Allowed | Legally Allowed |
| Fountains: | Legally Allowed | Legally Allowed |
| Missiles: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Novelties: | Legally Allowed | Legally Allowed |
| Crackle and Strobe: | Legally Allowed | Legally Allowed |
| Parachutes: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Wheels and Spinners: | Legally Allowed | Legally Allowed |
| Sky Flyers: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Display Shells: | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
| Aerial Items (Cakes): | Legally Allowed | With permit only |
Impressive, huh? Sounds like it would be a ton of fun? Wuh-RONG! With this amazing freedom comes a lot of responsibility and South Carolinians have none! Every cul-de-sac is packed with people setting them off all night. At our party, everyone there took part in setting off the fireworks including all the adults who had been drinking, their children, despite being 5 or 6 years old in some cases, teens who wandered over from a few houses over. It was a fire-starting free-for-all! The three of us sat, stunned, with Mom & Frank until a teenage girl set off a small mortar that fell over, and shot towards the crowd. One flew into Peter’s face, hitting him in the corner of his eye. Luckily, no damage was done! The bottles used for bottlerockets weren’t cutting it so pipes were cut and inserted into the ground to send them straight up.
The larger mortars were set off from the ground until a plastic folding table was brought out to set them on. Because what’s more stable and stationary than the paved road? A lightweight plastic folding table! The mortars were set on top and firework after firework was inserted and set off, and after each one went off the shock blew the table off the ground and it folded in half, landing half standing/half folded. The fireworks were the huge, loud ones that explode into a giant circle- just like the professionals set off in PA. Some barely made it out of the mortars before exploding and others exploded inside the mortars. People set them off right next to each other, while teens lit the mortars, children blew up strings of them on the pavement behind them. There was no specified ‘area’ for setting them off- wherever anyone felt was fine, whenever they wanted.
After a couple hours of this mayhem, a 7-8 year old boy was bored and found a lighter and crawled around on the ground, looking for pieces of unexploded fireworks to relight. After finding and lighting one that went back out, he leaned in real close to blow on it and fan the flames and it worked after a few minutes. Somehow his face wasn’t blown off. They set them off with their heads over top of the mortars to see better since it was so dark outside. Several people got burned while rockets flew into people’s houses, cars, chairs and fence. We grew tired of the close calls and left early.
Overall, no major person or property damage happened. I don’t know what kind of injuries and damages were caused in this state overall but I’m guessing it’s a large amount. My mind isn’t made up whether it is a bad thing or not that citizens here have this much of a choice. Certainly a more mature approach to using them would include a decision to set a few rules before beginning the night to protect people’s children at the very least. Most of the fireworks that night went off properly and were absolutely amazing, just like they should be and I am thankful for that although next year, we may be attending a local park to watch the professionals do it instead.
Sorry for the unintentional hiatus. Things have been somewhat busy here and I no longer get paid to blog.
Not that I ever actually got paid to blog…I t’s just that I used to have time to blog while at work. This new temp job is really cramping my creative freedom. I mean, they’re nice people and the work is steady so the days seem to fly by, but I literally have to work from 11 until I get off at five p.m. just to get it all done. It’s crazy.
So what’s new with you? Really? Thats boring. Let me fill you in on whats been going on around here. I successfully reared and released 5 orphaned squirrels. Oh yeah. I, along with Peter, helped plan and volunteered for Ride on the Wild Side, a very successful fundraiser for the refuge I support and love. I picked out a gorgeous informal wedding dress, coordinated and had a mini-wedding at the Courthouse…yeah…I got married.
I am scheming ways to buy a home- The Home. It is my dream house in Portsmouth, VA. Peter and I put an offer in on it over a year ago, before we bought our current home, but the owner did not accept it. So we moved on and ended up here. I love this house in Portsmouth and it is still for sale. For WAYYYYYYY less than what we offered over a year ago. Holy crap, I love it so much and it KILLS me that we bought this place instead.
We went to a halloween party dressed as the loves of our lives: each other. I know…so sweet…but wait until you see the pictures.
Though I don’t have any photos to post I figured I would share with you the details of this past weekend. Peter and I decided to drive home to Pittsburgh to surprise Krisann for her 28th birthday. Dad had informed me that they were planning a big party for her Saturday night and I couldn’t resist. I have surprised other family members in the past but Krisann was always in on it from the start.
I was unsure when we set out to visit that I could keep myself from blurting it out on the phone or avoid blogging about it. I am just used to reviewing every item I plan to pack with her and confirm that one of us will, absolutely, bring a hairdryer and straightener to Dad’s. Plus, we always review all our clothes in case we have special requests. For instance, I ask her to bring a shirt of hers I like to wear so I can wear it while she is in town or she will ask me to bring some extra sun dresses when we vacation in Charleston since I have a collection of them. I usually bring her stuff I have decided to lend to her or other items I bought for her since the last time I saw her.
So I lied while we were driving up, saying we were driving to the movie theater. Then I strongly suggested she go to Dad’s that friday night instead of going out with friends. Then I called Dad and told him to beg her to come up to his place that night as well. Thankfully it worked because she did end up at Dad’s Friday night. We made good time driving up, about 7 hours, but just missed her. She had JUST gone to bed so I let Atticus loose to run to her and he flew up the stairs and met her in the doorway to the guest room. She was so tired I think she thought she was imagining things because she just bent over on top of him and slowly reached out to touch him and see if he was real. Then she looked over and was shocked to see me. She was like a zombie- the look on her face almost not realizing what was happening and she couldn’t recognize anything. Then I ran up to her and hugged her and she came to. She came back downstairs with us and gave Peter a hug and we all sat up and watched tv until 3 am.
Peter and I stayed at Gram’s. She made a delicious pecan cinnamon bread thing for breakfast then we wandered up to Dad’s to eat eggs, toast and bacon. After stuffing ourselves Krisann introduced us to the Showtime drama Nurse Jackie. We were hooked but since we had business to attend to we only had enough time for 3 episodes. We returned to Grams and donned our swim suits and headed to Molly’s.
There the drinking commenced, Tanner was brought out and we lazed ™ away the afternoon. The sun barely came out but we had a nice time anyway. Then it came time to eat, the family’s favorite pastime. Dad & Wendy prepared a feast for two hundred and sixty-eight people to enjoy. Of the less than twenty guests present, all ate like hogs. It rained breifly during dinner then we opened up Krisann’s gifts and spent the evening just hanging out. Peter demonstrated what I would look like in a burqa (rearranged hoodie) and Debbie accompanied with sound effects, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAYYYYYEEE AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIA AI AI AIAI AIA AAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE”
There would be an accompanying video to this but Krisann has not been able to upload it to me yet so be sure to bitch to her about that.
Ronnie did impersonations of Sling Blade all night: recounted stories as Sling Blade, recited lines from the movie- it was a riot! Dad started a fire in the pit and we had hot dogs. It was awesome. The decorations were beautiful, in fact, Gram had commented that Peter and I could have gotten married there and she was right.
Peter had a blast and let everyone know he was definately getting family vacation week off and we would be going. We are super excited!!!
Peter did not make chief. I’ve boohooed, he was pissed. We’re over it.
I’ve managed to work through my anger toward the Navy by focusing on Peter’s ability to be able to make the Family Vacation next month.
Some background for those who may not be familiar with MY family’s summer vacations:
Years and years ago, the Family began vacationing in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Traditionally we rented a huge beach house in Duck and my Dad’s side of the family went which included the grandparents, my aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandparents neighbors and their daughters. Over the years, we tried to go almost every year and I have hundreds of photos and memories of those trips. I also know stories about me and my sister that my family recall and regularly recount. One summer we were scared to death about Beavers in the Closet of our bedroom, one year we had matching robes and wouldn’t allow our feet to touch the sand so we had to be carried out and set on our matching beach chairs with matching umbrellas, one year my cousins Nikki and Jamie cranked up the house stereo and played their tape of “I wanna Sex You Up” and Grampa got all grumpy and annoyed that the tweens wanted to sex someone up. Krisann spent one vacation watching after her new pet fish that she placed in her sand bucket after catching it with her bare hands. Sounds amazing, huh? Turns out it was dead the whole time but when she moved the bucket and the fish’s body moved in the water she thought it was alive and swimming! Some MacGuyver family member (I don’t remember who, maybe someone else knows?) built a “Fart Machine” using only 2 rubber bands, a wire coat hanger and a washer. We got years of enjoyment out of those- they often broke due to their chronic overuse. We were addicted. One year the neighbor took the Fart Machine and was going to try using it. Just as he began to put it in place he farted for real!! We found a crooked-running dog one year we named Asparagus Crash Frou Frou. He all had nicknames that year that I can’t remember.
As time passed the vacations dwindles until we stopped for a few years consecutively. Two years ago, some of us went again. We hauled our crap to a huge house in Corolla and spent the week sitting at the pool getting drunk. My birthday fell during that vacation, it was one of the last days we were there, and the very day I was going to be treated to a special dinner.
As I grew up, we went less frequently until we stopped going altogether. Two years ago though, half the family rented a beach house and we went again. It was in Corolla, had a pool, hot tub and was giant. We went through 30 cases of beer alone that week. That doesn’t count the alcohol. None of us could count that high after all the brain cells we killed. We also happened to go the week of my birthday that year and on that day I got completely trashed, something I had managed to avoid the entire preceeding week and my sister and cousin Molly forced me out of bed, made me puke it all up, dressed me and made me up while I pouted on the floor and limply attempted to fight them off.
I specifically remember fighting with Molly while she applied that makeup to my face until I realized I couldn’t move any part of my body while she curled my eyelashes for fear of causing her to poke my own eye out. It was a possibility that she would have done that just to spite me then blame it on me anyway. She has a nickname for a reason. The three of us also had HOT HOT DANCE PARTY on the third floor balcony one night. That was the best week I’ve had in a long time and this upcoming vacation with them will be just as awesome, I have no doubt.
I visited PA then drove down to SC and made the rounds. I have returned home to move onward & upward!
I feel like I was stupid to stick around there for so long. Why did I put myself through all that headache? I admit that I am afraid every once in a while that I won’t get unemployment or a new job but THATS IT! I don’t have 120+ claims to worry about, keeping my numbers up, all the paperwork, phone calls to return, complaints, …nothing else. It is so wonderful to not worry about that many things. I can focus on my regular life & taking care of Peter, the kids and all the new plants.
It is very peaceful in my head now.
So while I was at home, HBO’s Grey Gardens aired. I watched it at Dad & Wendy’s with Krisann. To celebrate, we dressed up. The movie was fantastic- Jessica Lange nailed Big Edie & Drew Barrymore did the best Little Edie anybody could do.
I know I’m almost a month late posting this but…His birthday was at a great restaurant whose name has completely slipped my mind. I’m sure it will come to me eventually, at which time I will update the post.
Dad got some great presents: some stylish shirts for work, a waterproof bag to take canoeing, and one hell of a steak dinner.
Everyone who went had a great time, all agreed it was nice to get out together. We had an entire room to dine together off to the side of the main seating area & bar.
A few of my favorite moments:
He may be 50 but he’s still a bad ass.
Gram has had enough & signals him to ‘Talk to the hand.’
…he settles right down. You’re never too old to heed your mother.
Wendy posed us as Charlie’s Angels. The photo turned out really nice.
Krisann’s birthday was also celebrated. Aunt Deb got her the coolest talking Jesus doll ever. We figured out pretty quickly that he had a hell of a lot to say. (He must have sensed that she needs to hear it)
To remind her how much I miss our childhood together, I decided to pester her continuously by taking really close up shots of her drinking and eating. Here is a small sample:
Happy 50th Dad! I love you!!
Peter found a Great Gatsby-themed New Years Eve party at the Oceanfront Sheraton. We ate a great buffet dinner then danced and drank.
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